Ann Roberts Beacon of Love

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pants moved next to her and wrapped her arms around Paula s
waist. She immediately removed the woman s arms and stepped
37
out of the embrace but a pang of jealousy pinched Steph.
Before Steph could approach her, the organist s sad melody
began, signaling everyone to their seats. She d intentionally
arrived with only a few minutes to spare, to avoid lengthy, painful
introductions and non-sequiturs that could never bridge the
many years of distance that separated her from the high school
crowd. But now she found herself longing for a moment alone
with Paula before the emotional goodbye to Francine.
There wasn t a casket at the front and Steph remembered that
Francine had mentioned often that she wanted to be cremated
and scattered somewhere near the ocean. Her love of all things
nautical, particularly lighthouses, had brought her to Oregon
years before and probably accounted for her attraction to her
husband Paul, a Navy man.
The program reflected Paula s attention to detail and her
intelligent nature. Many of the outer circle read poetry and
sadness tugged at Steph s heart. She was no part of this, although
many years before, she and Paula had been practically sisters,
as close as any two people could be. When one of their fellow
cheerleaders read Thanatopsis, Francine s favorite poem, Steph
knew that if she were still a part of Paula s life, she would have
been awarded that honor.
Movement caught her eye and she noticed a well-dressed
man had slipped into the pew across from her. She watched him
carefully, trying to place him. He wiped a hand across his face
and she realized he d spent a lot of time at Paula s house. He
was Francine s attorney Ted something and a good friend
apparently.
As the poetry reading ended he removed a handkerchief from
his suit jacket and dabbed at his eyes. It was such a touching show
of sentiment and she couldn t pull her gaze away. His shoulders
hunched and he hung his head. He s sobbing. Apparently overcome
with grief, he hurried out again.
When it was Paula s turn to speak, her voice cracked as she
shared some memories of her mother, and Steph felt they were
once again united in their mutual loss of a parent. She learned
38
things about Francine she d never known. She d been questioned
by Joe McCarthy in the fifties and met her husband while she
worked for the CIA overseas. Steph knew Francine was nearly
forty when she d finally married, and the first time Steph met
her, she d mistaken her for Paula s grandmother.
The age difference between their parents often made for
some funny stories, because what Francine thought was hip or
popular, such as furniture or clothing choices, was about fifteen
years out of style. Steph knew the generation gap had caused
Paula some embarrassment over the years, like the time when her
mother gave her an Etta James record rather than Rick James s
latest album.
As Paula recounted a humorous anecdote, a cell phone
chimed and everyone glanced about, wondering who was callous
enough to leave a phone on.
Sorry, Paula said quietly, checking the Caller ID before
turning it off and continuing her eulogy without losing a beat.
She spoke about her mother s love of lighthouses and reading
but Steph sensed a detachment in her voice. She remembered
Francine hadn t mentioned Paula when she d visited, except to
ask her to reconnect with Paula. She wondered how long it had
been since Paula had visited her mother.
I guess the most important quality my mother possessed was
her helpful nature& Her voice trailed off when her eyes locked
on Steph. She fumbled with her notes until she found her place.
Sorry, again, she said absently before she continued.
After the benediction everyone filed out into the rain, which
had become thicker during the service. A lunch was planned in
the social hall and the procession of mourners filed out, passing a
picture display depicting Francine s life, a great span of time Steph
knew nothing about back then and never cared to know. They
were young and their parents were old. It was painful enough to
endure their own family anecdotes but to subject their friends
to each other s boring histories would ve been unthinkable and
uncool.
Another acquaintance cornered Emilio while Steph flipped
39
through the old photo albums, finding many pictures of Paula and
herself and the years leading to their graduation. Steph s sudden
absence in the later photos was probably noticeable to no one
but herself, and she wished a pictorial existed that could explain
what had happened and at what exact moment they abandoned
their friendship for good. When had too many years passed to
send an I m Thinking of You card? And why had she never sent her
an e-mail?
I wouldn t be angry if you ducked out.
Paula s voice surprised her and she jumped slightly before she
turned around. Paula greeted her with a strained smile, so unlike
the innocent grin she d always worn as a cheer captain. Her
eyes were tired and her expression was tainted by the emotional
upheaval of losing a parent.
They embraced and Steph whispered, I m so sorry.
Paula held her at arm s length while her eyes probed her body.
Steph couldn t breathe. She was accustomed to men leering at her
but a wave of energy surged through her as Paula jumpstarted
her libido and reminded her that she was still sexy.
You look& great. It s good to see you but like I said, if you
want to go, I d understand.
Do you want me to leave? Would that be easier? [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]

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